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Sunday, April 16th, 2006
4:37 pm - Every thing is just wrong
My Grandmother past away..my friends friend just past away..i have a show in like 1 and a half weeks and i might have a sickness...i still have school and i cant do this any more...

current mood: numb

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Saturday, November 5th, 2005
5:19 pm - what happened
So my boyfriend broke up with my ANSWERING machine even though he tells me that he still likes me and wants to try it lata i did something i havent done in a long time and one of my good guy friends saw it and got really mad at me and said a few mean things and told some people...my ex-boyfriend now (whom i still have feels for) thinks i did it to make him feel bad and wont talk about it ..so it makes me think he doesnt care ..tonight is homecoming and i am not going..but everyone else is..i got drunk last night and i cant remember what happened..but my friends tell me that i hooked up with some guy that i dont like and now he thinks there is some thing between us but now i have to tell him the truth..i feel lost to the point where i dont know what it is i am suppose to do..i just dont know who i am anymore..and this has never happened before..(or at least not like this)..i just wish i knew how to be who i was

current mood: lost

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Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
7:53 pm
My mom is moving out.And now i am going to be living by myself..she is going to pay all the bills and is going to send me 500 a month..she just doesnt want ott live with me any more..i think she doesnt want to be my mom any more and she told me the reason she is leaving is b/c i "deserve to be alone" i feel like no one cares about me and that no one really understands..i dont know how to shake this feeling..and i know there are a few ppl that try but they just dont..and it seems like the ones i let in always find the one way to hurt me..it makes me mad that ppl just cant be there like you want them to be..maybe its me..maybe i bring this all on myself???

current mood: sad

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Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
11:11 am
well i did something last night that i am not very proud of...oh and i have lost 10 lb since summer begain..yah ..well i boredom of this house is killing me..and now it is raining so i really cant go anywhere..i am as bored as i have ever been..oh i got a call from "the boy" last night and he was singing a song in the phone...god why does he do this to me..

current mood: frustrated

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Sunday, June 26th, 2005
12:20 pm - DONT READ IF YOU DONT CARE
with in the past few months i have had meny things happen to me...i am taking new meds and my mom thinks i am depressed...i think i am in love but the person likes some one else...he is a lier and he cheats but i still like him more then any one i have even meet...i feel like i am stuck in my house and i cant get out..i have friends but i feel like they dont know me...and i dont want to tell them b/c they might get scared..i dont cut any more but i have completely stopped eating...i lie to my mom about what i eat and i feel like i am fat...i want to lose wieght b/c i want the guy to see me next yr and be like damn even though he wont...i am tired believe people and trusting them...i had a friend lie to my face and i let it go b/c i dont want to be bored over the summer...i am not as happy as i use to be...well that felt good

current mood: blah

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Saturday, January 8th, 2005
9:50 pm
i have been so fucked up latly i dont know what i have been doing..i just cant do any thing right..every thing i dont gets fucked..my best friend and i are having the frist fright in a long ass time..b/c of me..i am so fucking stupid..GRRRR and i cant do the one thing i want to b/c my mom raded my room and found some things ...i dont know what i am going to do i have no money..and i feel so fucked....i just want to die..like go to sleep for a long ass time and never wake up until it is all over..or just not at all...i want to jump off a fucking 4903875 ft tall tower..and hear my body go *splat* i just to disappear..FUCK

current mood: sad

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Sunday, November 28th, 2004
10:51 pm
Last night as she tried to go to sleep..She thought about her life in five years..She thought about the points through her life to get her to those five years..About graduation day and moving away for collage..She thought about leaving her best friend her only one ture friend..About leaving her famliy.(whitch made her very happy) But then she thought about her arms..If she kept her life stye up..What was going to happen to the new life that she could make..What are people going to say, going to ask..She thought about how she wishes that it NEVER started..How she wishes that she listened to her mother her friend and her boyfriend..But she was never going to think about the future again.."She wasnt going to kill her self of the stupid shit that might happen in the future before she has even had a past"..Or so she thought..But she was wrong..She can start thing about the future..She can start NOW..I can start NOW

current mood: sad

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Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
3:06 pm
Well me and my mom had a full on bitch-athon the other day. We were GREAT until she started talking about some stupid thing about the caller-i.d. and how she always checks to see if the light is on and i looked through it and that turned to light off..and then she comes after me so i start to yell at her but you know what...my mom is SCARY i mean i the fight i am trying to be serious and she THROWS a CUP at me..A CUP..and she thinks it is funny and starts to laugh...and then when the fight is over and i am in my room she goes to turn off the light and says "have a good night and also a good day tomorrow" ~in a lil girl happy voice~ WHAT THE FUCK is that? what kind of person does that?i just want to leave run far far far away......but i couldnt.i was stuck..stranded there like on a deserted island.

current mood: crazy

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Saturday, November 13th, 2004
2:46 pm
i am tried of think about my ex... and then i just try to think of how to get this new guy that i like... then i just think that if i were a guy why would i even think about dating some one so messed up as me...i just want to talk to my friend but she isnt up yet..i dont want to date some right now b/c i just want to not have any thing to worry about i dont think that i need that...i mean i dont know him that great so if i just let it go then i might need it. GOD i need an answer. i am so sad right now, i dont know. But what ever i do it will still make me mad.scared.sad......sign off

current mood: depressed

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2:20 pm
I use to care now i dont. i use to love but now i dont have enough to give. There are people i think that care for me. But they dont show it off. There has to be some one that has LOVE. FOR ME. I wish could just see it. But i cant. I wish i could just know it. But i dont. I wish i felt it. But i havent. I wish there was. But i dont think there is. ANY MORE.

current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
12:21 pm - So Far
Friday was great i was suppost to be at the football game but i went to a party instead.My friends (bri, mary, and nikki) all went to this frat party.I got so drunk.It was great.And now Nikki is have another party that i am going to she wants to get me so drunk.Want is about me that makes people want to get me drunk?I guess i dont get it.But o well not like i am complaining. my mom and me are pretty ok but i guess i just stoped listening now so i guess i really dont know if we are ok or not.i knowit has been a long time sicne my last entrie but i have been really buisy.I am not doing good in school no matter how much i lie to my mom it wont get better.i will just see how it turns out.
~Liz

current mood: bored

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Saturday, October 9th, 2004
1:33 pm
Sorry that i havent posted in a long time.But school has really got me jumping around.The other day well i was getting yelled at by my mom i was talking in my head just yelling.You know stuff that i would never say to her.I just wanted to but i couldnt b/c i didnt want her to be all "well if that is how you feel then i am not going to do your b-day party" ANd she would do that.I dont understand why she just cant be my MOTHER.she is so mean.

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
8:13 pm
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Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
9:50 pm
Hello,
it has been a long time.i cant write much.but i can tell you my life is hell...My b-day is coming up..and hey if you want to come and you live near me just say so..oct 9th..5-ish im me Luv4McBeth(@aol.com if you want to e-mail me).
liz

current mood: sleepy

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Saturday, September 11th, 2004
7:49 pm
I havent writen in a long time sorry.I have been really biusy with school.Nothing has really happened in my life other then i like some one new oo god like that is new.I like two people now.I am listening to Eamon it is the funnyist shit.I am hanging with my boy chris.hehe.and DAVID o hell ya.I will write tomorrow.Got a project i have to do.<333
~Lizzy

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Sunday, September 5th, 2004
11:42 pm
I dont have long.I just wanted to write.I am going to dye my hair tomorrow.Cutting doesnt run in the famliy dose it?

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Friday, September 3rd, 2004
11:35 pm
Ok so i havent been sleeping much.The pain from my stomach is keeping me up at night.But i am afraid to go to the doc.What if they find some else wrong with me.I dont want to have to take another damn pill for some thing.I am pealing from my sun burn now.I hate this part.I cant wait till i go back to my pasty white-ness.
I have a question.Have you ever liked some one and you know your not suppost to like him because i dont know he is dating your friend or is a co worker/band member?i have and am.I dont know why.He is cute and nice and funny and smart.I shouldnt like him but i have liked him since the frist time i saw him.

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Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
2:55 pm
I need to talk to who ever will listen.PLEASE.I need addvice.

current mood: sad

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9:12 am
I keep waking up at night.Today i woke up at 4:30-ish and I wrote two songs i was happy about that.But one was about my friend that killed him-self..And i started to cry..I cryed for a hour.I felt better..But i never went back to sleep.I am going to ask my friend that i havent seen in over a yr to come over she just moved here.Write later.
~Lizzy

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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
10:39 pm
CRYING...DYING....FALLING...BLEEDING....TRYING....FAILING

current mood: scared

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